That irritant Megadroid is no more! Oh, I’ve put up with this filthy bastion of hedgehog fandom for too long, but now, as part of my campaign to conquer the internet, this website is under the command of the Robotnik Empire! Oh yes, the Chaotix Crew have utterly failed you. You’ll be reading a proper comic from now on – and you will read if you don’t want to be used as fuel for my Badniks…
In this issue, S-S-S-S-S- THAT HEDGEHOG finds himself diverted into an “adventure” with that witch Ebony - watch them fall to the Order of Magick in Ebony and Ivory and leave me unopposed! Then go on to Visa Vixen and see that brat Tails introduce his Nameless Zone allies to the war, where they (and you!) learn the crushing futility of opposing me. Then see the Chaotix fail to break my grip on the internet in Rage Inside The Machine, as well as the surprising return of my old soldier Shadow! If that hasn’t shown you that I am unbeatable, Death, Taxes and Leaky Sandbags shows my ally Rouge the Bat humiliate the pathetic secret service of the Hill Top Zone!
In the features, all must read the second chapter of the marvellous Encyclopedia Badnika; all must know about the greatness of my brilliant Badniks! Continue on to Speedlines, where your pitiful pleas for mercy are ignored by myself – but do not go the posters section, which is full of propaganda images of those so-called “heroes”. Go to the posters and you’ll be sent to the egg mines!
Your Lord and Master,
My spies have learnt that Nigel Dobbyn, creator of disgustingly pro-hedgehog propaganda, is still at large! He'll be at the Summer of Sonic convention on the 7th of August, selling two NEW posters of that gullible fool Knuckles for £5 each, as well as a poster by Nigel Kitching (Enemy Number One!) of the monsters from Decap Attack.
My Badniks are ready to attack this convention and eradicate everyone inside: so buy the Nigel's three posters, for they'll be the last purchase you will ever make!